


all i wanted was closer

by viscrael



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Denial of Feelings, Dreams, M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Touch-Starved, but only like 3 years n also the ages dont matter all that much actually, kaiba makes up excuses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 12:55:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13190535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viscrael/pseuds/viscrael
Summary: His hand stays on Seto’s arm. It spreads heat everywhere, a soft kind of heat, the glowing kind, the kind that makes Seto vividly aware of how little heat he has ever experienced, the kind that makes his whole body ache for more. And in the dream, he does ache. And because it’s a dream, he doesn’t try to stop the ache at all.--So maybe Seto is a little touch-starved.





	all i wanted was closer

**Author's Note:**

> hi my names gray and ive never fckin seen a yugioh
> 
> by that i mean im only halfway thru season 2 but i wld **die** for joey wheeler and violetshipping somehow sucked me into hell and i need to be writing more so this is. here now
> 
> how many fics am i gonan title after tamu massif lyrics do yall think? so many. this is fthe fckgin like 3rd fic with their lyrics as the title. oh well
> 
> enjoy 1k of absolute bullshit

The dream is odd.

Seto is in Yugi’s apartment’s living room and everybody is there, even Mokuba. He is in a suit, sitting on the couch, and everyone is laughing, talking, ignoring the movie playing on the screen. There’s nobody next to him; they’re all standing. And he’s watching Jounouchi while he stands and says something to Honda, something that makes Honda laugh, and Seto is watching the way Jounouchi’s hands move when he tells his joke, and he’s watching when one hand lands on Honda’s arm, a light touch that Honda doesn’t think anything about.

And then Jounouchi is next to Seto on the couch, and the movie isn’t playing on the screen anymore, and the rest of the group is in the kitchen, but the kitchen doesn’t even look like a kitchen, it looks like a storage room, but in the dream, Seto doesn’t notice that. Instead, he notices how that hand is on his arm now, a feathering touch, so light he almost wouldn’t feel it. And Jounouchi turns towards him and tells what might be that same joke he told to Honda. But it sounds like he’s underwater, so Seto can’t respond.

Jounouchi doesn’t seem to realize there was no response because he keeps talking, but for once, he isn’t using hand motions to speak. His hand stays on Seto’s arm then moves up, resting on Seto’s shoulder, and up again to the faint outline of his collarbones—because somehow Seto is no longer wearing a suit—and it spreads heat everywhere, a soft kind of heat, the glowing kind, the kind that makes Seto vividly aware of how little heat he has ever experienced, the kind that makes his whole body ache for more. And in the dream, he does ache. And because it’s a dream, he doesn’t try to stop the ache at all.

Somehow they’re lying on the couch now and no one is in the apartment at all, and it’s not an apartment, but Seto’s mansion, and they’re in his bedroom, not even doing anything—he’s just lying with his head on Jounouchi’s chest, and there are arms around him, their legs tangled and their calves brushing, and they stay like that, with their bodies pressed completely against each other from head to toe. Seto is full of that heat, but it’s still not enough.

Dream Seto does not have as nearly many inhibitions as Awake Seto, and therefore doesn’t question the abnormality of it when he lifts his head from laying on Jounouchi’s chest and presses their lips together, or when Jounouchi kisses back, or when somehow they manage to sit up and slot their bodies together, or when they get as close as physically possible. After this, it gets fuzzy. Maybe even Seto’s subconscious is too embarrassed to conjure the specifics, or maybe it’s just because he’s never experienced anything close despite being nineteen going on twenty. Whatever the reason, the images get hazy.

Things happen past this, he knows; sex, or, at least, something close to it. But when he wakes, it’s just the heat that he remembers, the way they’d laid chest-to-chest, so chaste but so filling.

 

\--

 

So maybe Seto is a little touch-starved.

And so what? He has reason to be. He didn’t spend his teenage years running around making connections, romantic or sexual. He didn’t award himself that kind of contact. He couldn’t. He didn’t have time to. He didn’t _need_ to.

It makes sense, if he thinks about it in that context. Seto is old enough now to recognize that he’s not invincible, he’s not fundamentally different from other people. He’s still human, and it’s a fact that humans need physical touch, even in the smallest degree. It’s nothing odd or out of the ordinary or unexpected. When the most contact he’s ever gotten is the occasional hug from Mokuba, of course he’d get a little crazy. Of course his subconscious would make up something like this.

And isn’t it just perfect that the someone it chose to focus on happens to be maybe the most physical person Seto knows? Yeah, that explains it: Jounouchi has the smallest personal bubble of anyone. It’s always something, something little. Standing next to Seto in groups, brushing their shoulders because of it. Bumping hands because he can’t keep himself still for longer than two minutes, running into each other because Jounouchi never remembers to look where he’s going. Knees knocking into each other awkwardly when they sit down because Seto’s long legs and Jounouchi’s habit of stretching his own out as far as physically possible don’t mix well together.

It’s irritating a lot of the time. Seto can’t say that he likes being slapped in the face every time Jounouchi feels like telling a particularly lively story and doesn’t remember Seto standing right next to him in the line of fire for hand gestures.

But, well. Seto has gone most of his life without anything at all. Despite all his complaints and fussing and bitching, the small things from Jounouchi add up.

He notices stuff based off the contact that maybe he shouldn’t. Like how Jounouchi always crosses his right leg over his left, or how he tends to naturally stand to Seto’s right even if he didn’t start out that way, or how he wears cologne almost every day, the strong kind that most people associate with douchebags, but it’s a clean smell, a pleasant one. He notices that he cracks his knuckles when he’s nervous. He bumps shoulders with friends to get their attention. He gestures most when he’s angry or excited.

It adds up.

So maybe Seto likes it when Jounouchi nudges his shoulder. Maybe he subconsciously makes the effort to stand next to him in groups, too. Maybe he leans in when they sit together, maybe he doesn’t protest when they have to scoot over to make room for a third party and end up pressed side to side, maybe he presses further. Maybe he misses Jounouchi’s body heat when he isn’t by him, maybe it feels cold, almost empty some of the time. Maybe he was disappointed when he finally woke from that dream, and maybe he tries to purge the memory of Dream Jounouchi’s hand on his arm and shoulder and collarbone from his mind, and maybe the memory resurfaces every time he sees Jounouchi for the rest of the week after that anyway, and maybe despite the embarrassment, it just makes him want to get closer.

So what?

It’s just because he’s human. It’s just because he’s touch-starved.

It’s not like it means anything.

 

**Author's Note:**

> @kaiba stop fckin lyin man


End file.
